ten nights of dream

I dreamed...

everyone was doing the washing up in the giant kitchen

somewhere I rode a toy train

why do people do that, I asked

you want to go to the shop that wasn't owned by the place we were in

elsewhere, a fight breaks out

I try desperately to remember everything I see. I hold two fingers to the glass tracing the path of the train tracks running side by side.

I gaze in the mirror at my face. My tongue has grown; it has purple psychedelic bits trailing underneath. On top, an open nerve sits 14cm long. Waiting to be cut so I can vomit and shit myself.

What it this place that I live in, with you? All these people here, they live together.

The kitchen is large and the people in it work together so that everyone can survive.

I stumble backwards from my spot on the platform, the spot where I gazed at you for the last time before you vanished. A strange, hexed spot. A spot that would make the whole world seem massive as soon as our fingers unlinked. Bittersweet, it would be ending right where it began.
A spot that would rob me of my ability to make sense of the world.
As I try and walk I hear the stupid, soothing train music playing. I wish it would stop because it is not okay. Things are not fine. I'm thinking these things as I lift each leg and chuck it somewhere in front of me, each step laboured because the distance is much further than perceived. My steps are heavy and my legs are forgetting how to walk: a symptom of the desperate attempt my body is making to block everything out.
As I slump myself behind a bright yellow sign, I look at Tokyo. Tokyo looks back at me, silently.

I feel as if I've worked something out. That to get through each day, you need to love someone. I don't know why it took me 21 years to work this out: I grew up surrounded by love.
Anyway, when someone comes along who makes you instantly feel like you've arrived home from a long and demanding trek through a blizzard, you'll want to hang onto them for ever and ever. You'll be able to do nothing other than love them completely and innocently. Anyone would.